Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have a best friend who is currently in a relationship with an older man with children, one who is two years older than her. I have been deciding on whether or not I should just come out and tell her that I absolutely hate their relationship and that she should just leave him alone. Now most people would agree that it’s not my business to tell my friend who she can and can’t date but me and my friend are only eighteen years old and we just graduated from high school a couple of months ago together. From the things she has told me about this man I know that he is almost forty years old. He lives with his mother, has a minimum wage job, and buys and uses illegal drugs including meth and cocaine. She even told me he got her to try it once! Hearing this I was outraged and I immediately wanted to tell her to break up with him, but my friend is an extreme drama queen and she would have gotten upset to the point where it would’ve ruined our friendship.
To tell you about my friend, she is very foolish when it comes to men. She is lonely in her heart and used to constantly hook up and have sex with men she barely even knew only to form a week long relationship, break up with the guy, and start it all over again with someone else. I used to be able to keep her on track but I’m away at college in another city now and my priorities are with school and getting my degree, so I only get to see her on holiday breaks. My friend is not in college and has quit her current job because her new man said that he would “take care of her.”
From the way she talks about him she sounds like she has fallen in love and it’s starting to get serious. I can’t shake the feeling that this man is a player and is going to leave her for the next young girl that comes along and break her heart. I feel my friend has so much potential and is throwing her life away by being with this older guy. Please tell me what I should do because we have been friends since middle school and I love her like a sister and I don’t want to lose our friendship over the relationship she has with this man. Should I hold my tongue or should I tell her how I feel? And if I do tell her, how do I go about it?-Frustrated With My BFF
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/i-disapprove-of-my-bffs-relationship-man-should-i-say-something/
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
BLACK FRIDAY....
Make sure to get a copy of my book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND.
A great gift for yourself, loved ones, mother, aunts, cousins, friends, co-workers, colleagues, or that special person in your life. It's in bookstores everywhere!
And, you can order online, HERE: http://www.amazon.com/Straight-Your-Best-Friend-Relationships/dp/1932841563/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1290755316&sr=1-1
Here are some links to some reviews of the book:
http://www.vainmag.com/2010/09/straight-from-your-gay-best-friend/
http://www.bvonbooks.com/2010/10/05/interview-author-terrance-dean-straight-talk=gay-best-friend/
http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2010/10/dating-advice-straight-from-yo.html
https://www.s2smagazine.com/stories/2010/10/terrance-dean-dispenses-advice-new-book
http://hellobeautiful.com/special-features/read-a-book/terrancedean/author-terrance-dean-gives-it-straight-from-your-gay-best-friend/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marlynn-snyder/thrilling-short-fiction-i_b_778703.html
http://sormag.blogspot.com/2010/11/featured-author-terrance-dean.html
Thank you everyone for your continued love and support! It truly means a lot to me, and I will be seeing a lot of you in 2011. Yes, it's on and I'll be stopping in many cities for a booksigning. It's going to be the best and most amazing book tour ever!
Much love and may God continue to bless each of you!
Terrance Dean
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’m confused about my marriage. Well, when me, and my fiancée decided to get married I wanted to get everything out in the open and I told her that I had cheated on her. I apologized for what I did.
My fiancée never told me she cheated, but I didn’t believe her, so we got married. Well, a year into our marriage she decides to tell me that she cheated on me with this guy and she said it only happened three times. She said he wasn’t good in bed, but I don’t understand why she went back three times if he wasn’t good in bed. And, she will not give me details about what happened. What should I do? – I Came Clean Why Won’t She
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/if-i-came-clean-about-my-indiscretions-to-my-wife-why-wont-she/
I’m confused about my marriage. Well, when me, and my fiancée decided to get married I wanted to get everything out in the open and I told her that I had cheated on her. I apologized for what I did.
My fiancée never told me she cheated, but I didn’t believe her, so we got married. Well, a year into our marriage she decides to tell me that she cheated on me with this guy and she said it only happened three times. She said he wasn’t good in bed, but I don’t understand why she went back three times if he wasn’t good in bed. And, she will not give me details about what happened. What should I do? – I Came Clean Why Won’t She
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/if-i-came-clean-about-my-indiscretions-to-my-wife-why-wont-she/
Monday, November 22, 2010
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day....
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been dealing with this man for about a year now. He is the type of man that I had been looking for, but five months into the relationship I found out he had a woman. I was destroyed. I had fallen in love with him. I still continued to deal with him, but questioned whether they were together. He always tells me that it’s not what I think, but that I think it’s an excuse.
He also says it’s because I don’t live by myself and that going to her house is his place to go and chill. He claims that they do not have sex, but yet he is there and expects me to sleep with him when he wants. That makes me feel like a booty call. He wants me to believe that he wants to be with me and that I remind him of his mother and he loves all the qualities in me – the ones he is looking for. But, he still sleeps at this woman’s house 2-3 nights a week and then lies about it when I ask him. So, I stopped seeing him and having sex with him for about a month. Now he feels that I don’t love him anymore and is having a hard time understanding how I am feeling. I need some help. – Am I Right
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-says-he-wants-to-be-with-me-but-he-keeps-going-to-the-other-womans-house/
I have been dealing with this man for about a year now. He is the type of man that I had been looking for, but five months into the relationship I found out he had a woman. I was destroyed. I had fallen in love with him. I still continued to deal with him, but questioned whether they were together. He always tells me that it’s not what I think, but that I think it’s an excuse.
He also says it’s because I don’t live by myself and that going to her house is his place to go and chill. He claims that they do not have sex, but yet he is there and expects me to sleep with him when he wants. That makes me feel like a booty call. He wants me to believe that he wants to be with me and that I remind him of his mother and he loves all the qualities in me – the ones he is looking for. But, he still sleeps at this woman’s house 2-3 nights a week and then lies about it when I ask him. So, I stopped seeing him and having sex with him for about a month. Now he feels that I don’t love him anymore and is having a hard time understanding how I am feeling. I need some help. – Am I Right
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/he-says-he-wants-to-be-with-me-but-he-keeps-going-to-the-other-womans-house/
Friday, November 19, 2010
Check Out This Piece I Wrote For Huffington Post...
Greetings Everyone!
I wanted to share with you all a piece I wrote for the Huffington Post on self-love.
I've joined with fellow author, Nora Ephron, who has created a link/tab on Huffington Post called DIVORCE.
Make sure to check out the piece, share the link with your friends, and please leave comments on the site.
Here is part of the piece I wrote:
OPEN YOUR HEART
Remember when you first fell in love with him -- your ex-husband? He made your heart go pitter-patter. The sight of him made you swoon. You would say and do silly things. You couldn't wait to see him and once he was around you couldn't wait to touch him, hold him, and wrap your arms around him with all your might. Yes, those were the days when you were happily married.
Now you're divorced. The love you thought would last forever is now a love lost. Your heart is broken. You now know what it is to experience the pain of someone leaving you, someone taking you for granted, or someone being emotionally unavailable. You're afraid to date because you fear another unhappy ending. You've grown tired and hopeless convincing yourself that Mr. Right is not going to show up, and quite frankly the pickings are getting slim.
Well, Ms. Diva, I am here to tell you that it's time to let go of that sad song and rhetoric. It doesn't serve you or empower you. Oh, trust me, I've heard many single, and divorced women say things like, "I am never going to find a good man." Or, "I am not going to let my guard down because someone will take advantage of me." And, the best line of all, "Men can't be trusted."
In order for you to move on, start anew, and fresh, honey, you've got to start with loving yourself, and that requires an open heart. No more putting yourself down. No more hating your ex because of what he didn't do, or did to you. Let it go, and let him go! You deserve greatness. You deserve to be your fabulous self, and you certainly deserve the ability to start anew, and trust me, there is an abundant amount of love available for you. Yes, girl, there is!
You can read the rest of the piece, HERE: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terrance-dean/open-your-heart_b_778454.html
I wanted to share with you all a piece I wrote for the Huffington Post on self-love.
I've joined with fellow author, Nora Ephron, who has created a link/tab on Huffington Post called DIVORCE.
Make sure to check out the piece, share the link with your friends, and please leave comments on the site.
Here is part of the piece I wrote:
OPEN YOUR HEART
Remember when you first fell in love with him -- your ex-husband? He made your heart go pitter-patter. The sight of him made you swoon. You would say and do silly things. You couldn't wait to see him and once he was around you couldn't wait to touch him, hold him, and wrap your arms around him with all your might. Yes, those were the days when you were happily married.
Now you're divorced. The love you thought would last forever is now a love lost. Your heart is broken. You now know what it is to experience the pain of someone leaving you, someone taking you for granted, or someone being emotionally unavailable. You're afraid to date because you fear another unhappy ending. You've grown tired and hopeless convincing yourself that Mr. Right is not going to show up, and quite frankly the pickings are getting slim.
Well, Ms. Diva, I am here to tell you that it's time to let go of that sad song and rhetoric. It doesn't serve you or empower you. Oh, trust me, I've heard many single, and divorced women say things like, "I am never going to find a good man." Or, "I am not going to let my guard down because someone will take advantage of me." And, the best line of all, "Men can't be trusted."
In order for you to move on, start anew, and fresh, honey, you've got to start with loving yourself, and that requires an open heart. No more putting yourself down. No more hating your ex because of what he didn't do, or did to you. Let it go, and let him go! You deserve greatness. You deserve to be your fabulous self, and you certainly deserve the ability to start anew, and trust me, there is an abundant amount of love available for you. Yes, girl, there is!
You can read the rest of the piece, HERE: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terrance-dean/open-your-heart_b_778454.html
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
My man who I’ve been dating for five years doesn’t make love or is romantic . He doesn’t dance to music when we go out. I’ve tried talking to him about it several times. He may do it a couple of times, but that is it, and it’s back to the drawing board.
He works hard fixing cars and little house improvements on his own, but hasn’t had a job since we met. He doesn’t seem lazy, but no one hires him. He’s been in the Navy for ten years, and was married once before.
He helps me around the house a lot, and repairs my car when needed, but I have to buy the parts. He lacks the money, and the romance is not enough for me. I like to go out and dance and enjoy myself. Also, I like to dress up, but he doesn’t buy any clothes for himself and he doesn’t get a haircut unless I say something about it. I’ve thought about stepping out of the relationship, but feel guilty about it. He is a nice guy but is dry.
I need to know should I stay with this man or not. The future is not looking good. I am buying my own house and is very independent. I have a daughter and grandchild. Everything is going up for me, but he has to step up with the finances. He doesn’t have anywhere to go if I decide to put him out. Can you please give me some advice about this relationship? – Feed Up And Moving On
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-frustrated-that-my-man-is-not-romantic-and-just-plain-dry/
My man who I’ve been dating for five years doesn’t make love or is romantic . He doesn’t dance to music when we go out. I’ve tried talking to him about it several times. He may do it a couple of times, but that is it, and it’s back to the drawing board.
He works hard fixing cars and little house improvements on his own, but hasn’t had a job since we met. He doesn’t seem lazy, but no one hires him. He’s been in the Navy for ten years, and was married once before.
He helps me around the house a lot, and repairs my car when needed, but I have to buy the parts. He lacks the money, and the romance is not enough for me. I like to go out and dance and enjoy myself. Also, I like to dress up, but he doesn’t buy any clothes for himself and he doesn’t get a haircut unless I say something about it. I’ve thought about stepping out of the relationship, but feel guilty about it. He is a nice guy but is dry.
I need to know should I stay with this man or not. The future is not looking good. I am buying my own house and is very independent. I have a daughter and grandchild. Everything is going up for me, but he has to step up with the finances. He doesn’t have anywhere to go if I decide to put him out. Can you please give me some advice about this relationship? – Feed Up And Moving On
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-frustrated-that-my-man-is-not-romantic-and-just-plain-dry/
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve been thinking long and hard about my current situation and I am stuck trying to figure out what’s right and wrong and I’m just hoping you can help me answer it. Although, from reading your other responses to people, I think we all know what’s right and wrong, it’s just doing what’s right, that’s the hard part.
So, I’ve known this guy for about four years – three of those years we been hooking up. Just within the past year it has gotten a little more serious to where we hang out about 4 to 5 times a week. He claims he doesn’t want a relationship but his recent actions say otherwise.
For instance, we hang out to just hang out, no sex involved. He sleeps over a few nights a week and he gets very jealous if I even talk about other guys. Just recently he told me he had a very deep secret. He told me that he’s had intercourse with another man. At first it seemed like it was just an experimental kind of thing, but then he admitted that he likes guys who are more on the feminine side and if he hooked up with a transgender it wouldn’t matter. He also said at first that he was the giver not the taker and he sounded very stern about that. But, just recently, he has made comments that he wanted me to use a dildo on him and even buy a butt plug that we could share. This just totally caught me off guard. He did mention that the reason why he had a hard time letting go of his ex-girlfriend was because she accepted him for who he was. I’m guessing she got in on the action or she didn’t mind him having sex with another guy.
Now in the beginning of our relationship it was totally “Friends With Benefit” sort of thing, but as we started to hang out more and more I started to fall for him. Now with this situation I’m not sure what to do. I guess my question is…Is it ok for me to still fool around with a guy who is bisexual? Honestly it makes me feel kind of dirty, but my feelings for him are so strong that it’s hard to end it now. Please Gay Best Friend I need some guidance!!! – So Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-mans-sexual-appetite-is-beyond-freaky-its-become-bizarre/
I’ve been thinking long and hard about my current situation and I am stuck trying to figure out what’s right and wrong and I’m just hoping you can help me answer it. Although, from reading your other responses to people, I think we all know what’s right and wrong, it’s just doing what’s right, that’s the hard part.
So, I’ve known this guy for about four years – three of those years we been hooking up. Just within the past year it has gotten a little more serious to where we hang out about 4 to 5 times a week. He claims he doesn’t want a relationship but his recent actions say otherwise.
For instance, we hang out to just hang out, no sex involved. He sleeps over a few nights a week and he gets very jealous if I even talk about other guys. Just recently he told me he had a very deep secret. He told me that he’s had intercourse with another man. At first it seemed like it was just an experimental kind of thing, but then he admitted that he likes guys who are more on the feminine side and if he hooked up with a transgender it wouldn’t matter. He also said at first that he was the giver not the taker and he sounded very stern about that. But, just recently, he has made comments that he wanted me to use a dildo on him and even buy a butt plug that we could share. This just totally caught me off guard. He did mention that the reason why he had a hard time letting go of his ex-girlfriend was because she accepted him for who he was. I’m guessing she got in on the action or she didn’t mind him having sex with another guy.
Now in the beginning of our relationship it was totally “Friends With Benefit” sort of thing, but as we started to hang out more and more I started to fall for him. Now with this situation I’m not sure what to do. I guess my question is…Is it ok for me to still fool around with a guy who is bisexual? Honestly it makes me feel kind of dirty, but my feelings for him are so strong that it’s hard to end it now. Please Gay Best Friend I need some guidance!!! – So Confused
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-mans-sexual-appetite-is-beyond-freaky-its-become-bizarre/
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day....
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve been talking to this girl for over a month now. We meet online and had, and, still do have great conversation. We have been out three times in this time period, but haven’t been out for about three weeks. I haven’t even seen her during this time.
She’s a single mother of a 5-year old and always says it depends on if she can get a babysitter. Her mom or sister is the only ones who she will let watch her daughter. I know that being a single mother is hard and it takes a lot out of her. But, at the same time, it’s always me doing all the calling, the texting, the trying to set up dates and mostly getting shutdown. She said that she believes that it’s the guy’s job to do all the setting up and communication when they are just dating.
I’ve even offered to take her and her daughter out for some mini-golfing, a circus, etc. The times we have hung out we have had great chemistry and things always go good and we really get along well. She says she is interested in me and wants to see what can come of it. Our obstacle is how to get to that point when we can spend time together. So, my question is am I going up against a no-win battle, or should I still show interest but just back up a little bit? I really need some advice about this right now, because I do like her. – Really Into Her
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-really-into-a-single-mother-but-she-wont-let-me-get-close/
I’ve been talking to this girl for over a month now. We meet online and had, and, still do have great conversation. We have been out three times in this time period, but haven’t been out for about three weeks. I haven’t even seen her during this time.
She’s a single mother of a 5-year old and always says it depends on if she can get a babysitter. Her mom or sister is the only ones who she will let watch her daughter. I know that being a single mother is hard and it takes a lot out of her. But, at the same time, it’s always me doing all the calling, the texting, the trying to set up dates and mostly getting shutdown. She said that she believes that it’s the guy’s job to do all the setting up and communication when they are just dating.
I’ve even offered to take her and her daughter out for some mini-golfing, a circus, etc. The times we have hung out we have had great chemistry and things always go good and we really get along well. She says she is interested in me and wants to see what can come of it. Our obstacle is how to get to that point when we can spend time together. So, my question is am I going up against a no-win battle, or should I still show interest but just back up a little bit? I really need some advice about this right now, because I do like her. – Really Into Her
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-really-into-a-single-mother-but-she-wont-let-me-get-close/
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have this situation where I have feelings for someone who has a position where he is closely watched (pastor). He is single and has never been married. We have talked before and it has been put on the table that we both are feeling each other. When we are alone he is touchy feeling and likes kissing me. I’ve also noticed that when we are near each other he watches every move I make.
I’ve asked before when are we going to sit down and figure out what we are going to do and all he says is that we will talk. I don’t chase behind him, he is always the one making the moves and chasing after me. What do I need to do? I honestly need a male perspective on this because I am honestly so confused right now. – Waiting On Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/me-and-my-pastor-are-feeling-each-other-but-i-dont-know-where-its-going/
I have this situation where I have feelings for someone who has a position where he is closely watched (pastor). He is single and has never been married. We have talked before and it has been put on the table that we both are feeling each other. When we are alone he is touchy feeling and likes kissing me. I’ve also noticed that when we are near each other he watches every move I make.
I’ve asked before when are we going to sit down and figure out what we are going to do and all he says is that we will talk. I don’t chase behind him, he is always the one making the moves and chasing after me. What do I need to do? I honestly need a male perspective on this because I am honestly so confused right now. – Waiting On Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/me-and-my-pastor-are-feeling-each-other-but-i-dont-know-where-its-going/
Monday, November 15, 2010
My Guest Blog Over At LitFest Mag...
By Terrance Dean
If a man tells you that he is not interested in a relationship, then he is not the man for you. Honey-cakes, you need to know that every man you meet is not relationship material.
“Well, damn, Terrance, what man is relationship material?” You may ask.
He is one who is able to freely communicate his feelings and emotions and not worry about being judged. He is a man who is comfortable showing love and joy to a woman. A man who is able to appreciate a woman and treat her like a queen. A man who can spend time with the guys and still make quality time for his special lady. He enjoys learning new things. He is not afraid to admit when he is wrong and is willing to work on his weaknesses. He is strong enough to take charge, and yet strong enough to let you take charge.
I can see your hands now waving in the air. Oh yes I can. You’re screaming, “Yes, Hallelujah!” You want to know where this man is and why you haven’t met him. You were hoping that your current or ex-boyfriend was this type of man.
Guess what a lot of women do if a man is not quite up to her standards? She actually thinks she can turn him into that type of man. Many women feel they can change him over time. Can you believe in this day and age, there are women who still think this is possible?
But of course this isn’t you, because you don’t have the time or energy to be trying to fix anybody up. (You are still working on you, remember?)
In my travels across the country, I've met scores of women who think they have found the one. He is their Mr. Right. He has it going on. So I ask them, “Why are you waiting to talk to me? If you have met ‘The One,’ then you don’t need advice from me.”
But then they start telling me their stories. I listen, just hoping they are not going to say those words I truly hate to hear women say, “But I love him. I really want to make this work.” Or, “I think he can change. He just needs someone like me in his life.”
Right. Just like you need another hole in your head.
Not all men—even spiritually minded men—are relationship material. A lot of them are still fresh and young on their spiritual walk, so it will take them some time to fully develop the spiritual side of themselves. They are constantly challenged by temptations all around them. They are not quite ready to settle down.
Other men are just not ready for any type of serious commitment with anyone. They are perfectly content being bachelors.
Just like many of you. Some ladies need to be single and work on their spiritual walk. Trying to be in a relationship right now is probably not in those ladies' best interest. There are some things they are still discovering about themselves, and a man will only distract them and take them off their course.
Let’s just imagine for a minute that you are confident, very spiritual and prayerful. You know yourself like the back of your own hand. You are ready to settle down in a relationship. You meet quite a few men, and you can’t seem to pick which one you want.
Awww, the joys of having a choice.
I’m going to do you a favor and break it down a little further for some of you. Just in case you still don’t know what a man who is not relationship material looks like.
You can read the rest of my blog entry, HERE:
http://www.litfestmagazine.com/litfest/GUEST_BLOG_TERRANCE_DEAN/Entries/2010/11/14_STRAIGHT_FROM_YOUR_GAY_BEST_FRIEND%E2%80%9CEvery_Man_Is_Not_Relationship_Material__Get_Up_and_Move_On%E2%80%9DBy_Terrance_Dean.html
Friday, November 12, 2010
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day....
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I need your help. I think I may already know the answer, but here is my situation.
I have been involved with a man for the past five years. Within those years there have been nothing but lies, excuses, and being stood up. He would call me and ask me if I wanted to catch a movie or grab something to eat. He would then give me a time as to when he would pick me up. That time would come and he wouldn’t show up. I would call and he would tell me, “I’m right around the corner.” Ten minutes would go by and he still would not show up. No call or text to say he can’t make it.
Two years ago he moved his childrens’ mother into the house his mom left him after she died. (He has his own place.) She was supposed to be helping with the responsibilities in taking care of their children. However, his son is now 21 and his daughter is 16, and every time we speak he is the one doing everything for his daughter, like taking her to the mall, taking her to the hairdresser, picking her up from work, etc. My question is what is the point of having the mother around if he is doing all the things himself and some she should be doing with her mother?
I just can’t take it anymore. I will be 50 in a few years and I don’t want to have regrets of wasted time. I have been very open and honest and have tried to discuss my concerns with him. He always seems to blow me off. Another problem I have with him is he never has time for me except ‘booty call time’ between 11-11:30 pm and, that’s maybe once or twice a month. We don’t go anywhere together, and I have never met anyone in his family. There is more, but I’m sure you can see where I am coming from. I am ready to move on with my life and let go, but he doesn’t. – Over It And Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-man-put-his-baby-mama-up-in-a-house-but-never-has-time-for-me/
I need your help. I think I may already know the answer, but here is my situation.
I have been involved with a man for the past five years. Within those years there have been nothing but lies, excuses, and being stood up. He would call me and ask me if I wanted to catch a movie or grab something to eat. He would then give me a time as to when he would pick me up. That time would come and he wouldn’t show up. I would call and he would tell me, “I’m right around the corner.” Ten minutes would go by and he still would not show up. No call or text to say he can’t make it.
Two years ago he moved his childrens’ mother into the house his mom left him after she died. (He has his own place.) She was supposed to be helping with the responsibilities in taking care of their children. However, his son is now 21 and his daughter is 16, and every time we speak he is the one doing everything for his daughter, like taking her to the mall, taking her to the hairdresser, picking her up from work, etc. My question is what is the point of having the mother around if he is doing all the things himself and some she should be doing with her mother?
I just can’t take it anymore. I will be 50 in a few years and I don’t want to have regrets of wasted time. I have been very open and honest and have tried to discuss my concerns with him. He always seems to blow me off. Another problem I have with him is he never has time for me except ‘booty call time’ between 11-11:30 pm and, that’s maybe once or twice a month. We don’t go anywhere together, and I have never met anyone in his family. There is more, but I’m sure you can see where I am coming from. I am ready to move on with my life and let go, but he doesn’t. – Over It And Him
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-man-put-his-baby-mama-up-in-a-house-but-never-has-time-for-me/
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I’ve been married to a man for seven years who has a baby mama. She has made his life hell since we got married. She argues, keeps the kids away for years and is out right mean. Sometimes she is violent, so I urged my husband to get a restraining order.
I keep telling him that she is still in love with him. He says no, and that she has someone else. So, he recently found out that she does love him. I have zero patience. So, should I divorce him because he seems to find pleasure in knowing she loves him still? – Tired Of Baby Momma Drama
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husbands-baby-mama-is-getting-on-my-nerves/
I’ve been married to a man for seven years who has a baby mama. She has made his life hell since we got married. She argues, keeps the kids away for years and is out right mean. Sometimes she is violent, so I urged my husband to get a restraining order.
I keep telling him that she is still in love with him. He says no, and that she has someone else. So, he recently found out that she does love him. I have zero patience. So, should I divorce him because he seems to find pleasure in knowing she loves him still? – Tired Of Baby Momma Drama
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/my-husbands-baby-mama-is-getting-on-my-nerves/
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Today Is, "He Can Get It" Wednesday: Ken...
The 24 year old is originally from a small town in eastern Maryland called Denton. He moved to the DC-Maryland-Virginia area about 10 years ago and he’s been there ever since.
Ken got into modeling when he started going to school at Delaware State University. He says that people all of a sudden were starting to ask him if he modeled. “They were steady trying to recruit me for the campus fashion shows,” Ken said. “At the time modeling wasn’t really my thing. I had always been the athletic, rough, the sporty type, but I wasn’t completely closed to the idea. About two years later, after I left DSU, I was approached by an agent on Facebook. For some reason things clicked, we set up a time to meet and the rest is history.”
When he is not modeling, Ken says, “I work! Grind hard and prosper!!” *He Flashes Vulcan symbol*
You can read more about Ken, and see his photos, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/he-can-get-it/terrancedean/he-can-get-it-wednesday-ken/
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend" Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I liked the “REAL” responses you have given to previous writers so I decided to write you myself.
I am in a unique situation. I am 21-year old black woman and I have an almost two year old daughter. I say that my situation is unique because her father, who is 37-years old, wants to have a family with me, but I have my reasons of why we cannot and/or should not be a family together.
In the beginning of our relationship, about three years ago, he told me many lies about his life. How many children he had (told me one of them had died, but she is alive and well at the age of thirteen) SMH! He told me he had a life threatening illness (Kidney failure). Told me he was divorced (the divorce wasn’t final until a month after my daughter was born). We were together for two years while all these lies were going on and I didn’t find out that they were lies until after I broke it off with him.
I found out his daughter is still alive through Facebook by hacking into his Facebook account. I came across a picture he commented on stating that two of his children (whom he no longer see’s because of whatever situation with their mother) had grown up so much. When I read the description of the picture, I recognized her because her father showed me pictures from when she was little (before she had supposedly died). When I saw this I almost died myself. Then in the process of moving out of an apartment we shared together I came across his divorce papers which showed he had been married /separated the whole time we were together. Not to mention his family knew the whole time he was married and never said anything and his sister knew he lied to me about his daughter but decided to keep quiet, SMH!
Now I understand married people separate from each other but if you are married, then that’s just it, you are still married and I am not dating a man that I know is committed to another woman. After that, I found out from his mother that his illness he claimed he had and the doctor’s appointments he claimed to have scheduled were all a lie! After finding this out I was devastated.
Here I was, not even 25-years old, with a baby, not even a year old, and a baby’s father whom is a compulsive liar. I told him he would never see neither one of us again, which didn’t last for very long. I moved in with my parents until I could get myself together. After staying with my parents for six months, I felt it was time for me to move out and be back on my own again, not to mention I was paying $650.00 to live with them in a room with my daughter when I could pay that much or even less to have a whole house and privacy to myself. Let’s just say staying with parents worked for as long as it could.
During the six months I stayed with my parents my child’s father and I got back in contact with each other. I felt bad for taking her away from him because a little girl needs her father more than anyone could ever know, so I made the decision to give him the decision to be in her life or leave us alone. I didn’t feel it was my right to make that decision based off what he had done to me. As long as he didn’t physically hurt my daughter I wasn’t going to interfere with their relationship.
After leaving my parents home I moved into a place with just my daughter. As I said, during the time I was staying with my parents me and her father were in contact with each other and he constantly apologized for the things he did and the lies he told, but I was skeptical. So, I told him I would give him a chance but we weren’t together. I told him he would have to prove everything he was saying. After catching him with another woman numerous times (the same one who started this mess…which is another story for a later time) when he told me he wasn’t seeing anyone and he was focusing on me and our child, I was finished and I finally started to date someone else whom my family strongly approves of, opposed to her father whom they strongly, strongly, STRONGLY!, disapprove of.
The man I started to date is 32-years old. “Hey, I like older men, what can I say?” Anyway, this guy is very nice and completely different from my daughter’s father and the other men I choose to date in my past. He is educated, driven, extremely handsome, spiritually in-tune; I mean he has it together, for the most part. I mean he is anything and everything I could possibly ask for but he has his baggage as well. He was going through a DNA test with a woman from a previous relationship when I first met him about seven months ago. He recently found out the child was not his after four years of him believing she was his. I decided to wait until after the DNA situation was finished to speak to him about whether or not he could see us being together in a relationship.
He has made many excuses in my opinion – my age (which wasn’t an issue when we slept together on many occasions), his recent situation with his child, his trust issues, etc. So, I told him we could be friends but I kept a distance from him after I moved into my own place since I knew he didn’t want what I wanted, even though he constantly emphasized how attracted he was to me and how much he “LIKE” me.
So, in between this situation, my daughter’s father is still trying to prove to me that we should “be a family”. Once I moved I knew her father would try to move in with me to get closer to me even though he had his own place at the time. So, like the dummy that I am, I let him move in because honestly I needed the help not financially but as far as having a helping hand with my daughter, and him paying half the bills didn’t hurt much either, but he now wants us to be a family and has asked me to marry him.
He has done everything I have asked him to and then some. He has been a gentleman and the best father. I admit I love that we are parenting our daughter together. We are potty training her together, we took her trick – or – tricking together, we discipline her together. These are the things that I think about when I think about not being with him. I think of the things I will do alone and not to mention she adores her father, but I feel as though I am missing something like this isn’t the life I am supposed to have and he is not the one I am supposed to end up with, but he takes care of me and my daughter like we are queens and that’s when I think he deserves a chance.
Now, then there’s the guy I was dating that I do want to be with but I am not sure what he wants or if he even sees himself being in a committed relationship, not just with anyone but a mother. I don’t want to leave a relationship that I have been through “HELL” and high water for, and a man that takes care of me and my daughter for someone who isn’t even considering us as a priority in his life. So basically, I am stuck between keeping my family together and being with her father or just moving on not just with this guy but with my life period. Does her father even deserve a second chance for us to become a family? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to do what is best for my daughter and her future. PYT – (Pretty Young Thing)
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/if-he-lies-cheats-and-manipulates-should-i-forgive-despite-our-child/
I liked the “REAL” responses you have given to previous writers so I decided to write you myself.
I am in a unique situation. I am 21-year old black woman and I have an almost two year old daughter. I say that my situation is unique because her father, who is 37-years old, wants to have a family with me, but I have my reasons of why we cannot and/or should not be a family together.
In the beginning of our relationship, about three years ago, he told me many lies about his life. How many children he had (told me one of them had died, but she is alive and well at the age of thirteen) SMH! He told me he had a life threatening illness (Kidney failure). Told me he was divorced (the divorce wasn’t final until a month after my daughter was born). We were together for two years while all these lies were going on and I didn’t find out that they were lies until after I broke it off with him.
I found out his daughter is still alive through Facebook by hacking into his Facebook account. I came across a picture he commented on stating that two of his children (whom he no longer see’s because of whatever situation with their mother) had grown up so much. When I read the description of the picture, I recognized her because her father showed me pictures from when she was little (before she had supposedly died). When I saw this I almost died myself. Then in the process of moving out of an apartment we shared together I came across his divorce papers which showed he had been married /separated the whole time we were together. Not to mention his family knew the whole time he was married and never said anything and his sister knew he lied to me about his daughter but decided to keep quiet, SMH!
Now I understand married people separate from each other but if you are married, then that’s just it, you are still married and I am not dating a man that I know is committed to another woman. After that, I found out from his mother that his illness he claimed he had and the doctor’s appointments he claimed to have scheduled were all a lie! After finding this out I was devastated.
Here I was, not even 25-years old, with a baby, not even a year old, and a baby’s father whom is a compulsive liar. I told him he would never see neither one of us again, which didn’t last for very long. I moved in with my parents until I could get myself together. After staying with my parents for six months, I felt it was time for me to move out and be back on my own again, not to mention I was paying $650.00 to live with them in a room with my daughter when I could pay that much or even less to have a whole house and privacy to myself. Let’s just say staying with parents worked for as long as it could.
During the six months I stayed with my parents my child’s father and I got back in contact with each other. I felt bad for taking her away from him because a little girl needs her father more than anyone could ever know, so I made the decision to give him the decision to be in her life or leave us alone. I didn’t feel it was my right to make that decision based off what he had done to me. As long as he didn’t physically hurt my daughter I wasn’t going to interfere with their relationship.
After leaving my parents home I moved into a place with just my daughter. As I said, during the time I was staying with my parents me and her father were in contact with each other and he constantly apologized for the things he did and the lies he told, but I was skeptical. So, I told him I would give him a chance but we weren’t together. I told him he would have to prove everything he was saying. After catching him with another woman numerous times (the same one who started this mess…which is another story for a later time) when he told me he wasn’t seeing anyone and he was focusing on me and our child, I was finished and I finally started to date someone else whom my family strongly approves of, opposed to her father whom they strongly, strongly, STRONGLY!, disapprove of.
The man I started to date is 32-years old. “Hey, I like older men, what can I say?” Anyway, this guy is very nice and completely different from my daughter’s father and the other men I choose to date in my past. He is educated, driven, extremely handsome, spiritually in-tune; I mean he has it together, for the most part. I mean he is anything and everything I could possibly ask for but he has his baggage as well. He was going through a DNA test with a woman from a previous relationship when I first met him about seven months ago. He recently found out the child was not his after four years of him believing she was his. I decided to wait until after the DNA situation was finished to speak to him about whether or not he could see us being together in a relationship.
He has made many excuses in my opinion – my age (which wasn’t an issue when we slept together on many occasions), his recent situation with his child, his trust issues, etc. So, I told him we could be friends but I kept a distance from him after I moved into my own place since I knew he didn’t want what I wanted, even though he constantly emphasized how attracted he was to me and how much he “LIKE” me.
So, in between this situation, my daughter’s father is still trying to prove to me that we should “be a family”. Once I moved I knew her father would try to move in with me to get closer to me even though he had his own place at the time. So, like the dummy that I am, I let him move in because honestly I needed the help not financially but as far as having a helping hand with my daughter, and him paying half the bills didn’t hurt much either, but he now wants us to be a family and has asked me to marry him.
He has done everything I have asked him to and then some. He has been a gentleman and the best father. I admit I love that we are parenting our daughter together. We are potty training her together, we took her trick – or – tricking together, we discipline her together. These are the things that I think about when I think about not being with him. I think of the things I will do alone and not to mention she adores her father, but I feel as though I am missing something like this isn’t the life I am supposed to have and he is not the one I am supposed to end up with, but he takes care of me and my daughter like we are queens and that’s when I think he deserves a chance.
Now, then there’s the guy I was dating that I do want to be with but I am not sure what he wants or if he even sees himself being in a committed relationship, not just with anyone but a mother. I don’t want to leave a relationship that I have been through “HELL” and high water for, and a man that takes care of me and my daughter for someone who isn’t even considering us as a priority in his life. So basically, I am stuck between keeping my family together and being with her father or just moving on not just with this guy but with my life period. Does her father even deserve a second chance for us to become a family? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to do what is best for my daughter and her future. PYT – (Pretty Young Thing)
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/if-he-lies-cheats-and-manipulates-should-i-forgive-despite-our-child/
Monday, November 8, 2010
My Guest Blog Over At LitFest Magazine...
Be Still and Wait – Patience Is A Virtue
By Terrance Dean
Chapter Excerpt from my new book:
Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – October2010; $15)
Anything worth having is worth waiting for. When you are looking for something for your home or your yard or your wardrobe, you take your time and shop around. You don’t jump on the first thing you see. You browse, look, and then go home and think it over.
The same rule applies when you are looking to date. You have to be still and wait.
If you have doubts or concerns about a particular man, just be still and wait. He will reveal his true colors in time.
Pull up a chair beside me, Diva-cakes. Let me pour you a drink. How about a Strawberry Storm, it’s better than a Blue Monday.
Now, I have the belief that if you listen carefully to someone when you meet them, they will tell you all you will ever need to know about them in fifteen minutes. It doesn’t take three, six, or twelve months to discover something about someone that they made perfectly clear when you first met them.
It pains me when I hear some women say after things go wrong, “I didn’t know he could be like that.” Or, “I thought he was different.” Girl, most likely he told you who he was when you first met him. If you had been paying attention, you would have heard and seen all the signs.
Let me say it again. Ladies, when people tell you who they are, believe them. When they tell you that they are crazy, then, guess what? They are crazy. When they tell you they are obnoxious, then, guess what? They are obnoxious.
It’s like what your mother always told you: If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck? Then guess what? It’s a duck.
I remember when I was at a house party some years back. I met this guy, and he and I flirted heavily with one another. It was playful and fun. I introduced myself and told him my name. I then asked him for his. He replied saying, “Drama.” Seriously, I am not lying. That is how he introduced himself.
I politely shook his hand and said, “Thanks, but no thanks. I am not looking for any.”
He stood there with a look of shock on his face as I turned and walked away. I guess he assumed I was joking, but I was not. I was serious. Within those few minutes he told me who he was. I believed him and went on my merry way.
Finish reading the rest of the excerpt, HERE:
http://www.litfestmagazine.com/litfest/GUEST_BLOG_TERRANCE_DEAN/Entries/2010/11/7_STRAIGHT_FROM_YOUR_GAY_BEST_FRIENDBe_Still_and_Wait_%E2%80%93_Patience_Is_A_Virtue_By_Terrance_Dean.html
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Huffington Post Review Of My New Book...
Huffington Post Book Review:
Does every woman need a gay best friend? Author Terrance Dean's answer is a resounding yes, as he makes several cases to support this scenario in his new book Straight From Your Gay Best Friend (Agate/Bolden). The author of the down-low, coming-of-age memoir Hiding In Hip Hop hits us this time with an advice tome, one designed to "give it to [women] straight about life, clothes, sex, and relationships," according to the press materials.
Maybe a better question would be, is every gay man qualified to give this type of advice? While anyone can offer opinions, I don't know that one's sexuality is a qualifier to offer advice on love, life, and relationships.
I do, however, appreciate most of Dean's simple, down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom, often delivered with a bit of spirituality (Bible verses are quoted throughout). In nineteen short chapters, Straight From Your Gay Best Friend lays out a path for women to follow in pursuit of their dreams. In no-nonsense chapters like "Every Man Is Not Relationship Material: Get Up and Move On!" and "Love Yourself: If You Don't, Who Will?", his "straight" talk comes through strongest.
You can read the rest of the review, here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marlynn-snyder/thrilling-short-fiction-i_b_778703.html
Does every woman need a gay best friend? Author Terrance Dean's answer is a resounding yes, as he makes several cases to support this scenario in his new book Straight From Your Gay Best Friend (Agate/Bolden). The author of the down-low, coming-of-age memoir Hiding In Hip Hop hits us this time with an advice tome, one designed to "give it to [women] straight about life, clothes, sex, and relationships," according to the press materials.
Maybe a better question would be, is every gay man qualified to give this type of advice? While anyone can offer opinions, I don't know that one's sexuality is a qualifier to offer advice on love, life, and relationships.
I do, however, appreciate most of Dean's simple, down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom, often delivered with a bit of spirituality (Bible verses are quoted throughout). In nineteen short chapters, Straight From Your Gay Best Friend lays out a path for women to follow in pursuit of their dreams. In no-nonsense chapters like "Every Man Is Not Relationship Material: Get Up and Move On!" and "Love Yourself: If You Don't, Who Will?", his "straight" talk comes through strongest.
You can read the rest of the review, here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marlynn-snyder/thrilling-short-fiction-i_b_778703.html
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend," Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I really appreciate you giving all your abundance of knowledge without a sugarcoat to feed my ego. So, I know I can trust you to keep it real with me.
I recently started working at my old job again and ran into this guy who I used to associate myself with. I really liked him at one time, but that was like 2 years ago. Now, every time I see him I don’t know what to think. He always speaks to me but sometimes he stands really close violating my personal space, or he either stands extremely far away. He’s always asking about my love life, but when I ask about his he’s very stand-offish about it. And, the bad part about it is that he started dating his current girlfriend shortly after I caught him in secret parts of our job talking to her all the time. When I approached him on why he was doing that he started getting defensive, but he would always get mad and approach guys whenever I would speak to them, and I wasn’t even being secretive or be spiteful.
I don’t really know where this is going since we were only associating with each other years ago. It was all good when we were like best friends. I would talk to him all day on the phone until one of us went to sleep. We had everything in common. We were mutually attracted to each other and waited eight months to have sex. He said all the right things.
Then all of a sudden this chick started cramping my style. She saw how tight we were so it seems like she was try to be a clone of me in order to get him. I tried to stay in the race for his heart but I dropped out because it was getting ridiculous. It was like, if I bought him a regular slushie, she’d buy him a big gulp. I’d buy him a meal from a store, then she’d get the value meal. And, these actions started to make me mad because I thought my overall package was better than hers. So, little by little I separated myself out the equation. Since then, I bump into him all the time. He always has a smile when I’m talking to him and seems to initiate the conversation. Should I let this proceed or leave him alone? In the back of my mind though, I kind of want payback and I kind of think I can achieve it. Do you think I’m wrong? Please give me your wise insight. I need guidance. HELP! – Just Need A Lil Guidance Before I Do Something Stupid
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-dated-hes-with-a-new-woman-but-i-think-he-wants-me-back/
I really appreciate you giving all your abundance of knowledge without a sugarcoat to feed my ego. So, I know I can trust you to keep it real with me.
I recently started working at my old job again and ran into this guy who I used to associate myself with. I really liked him at one time, but that was like 2 years ago. Now, every time I see him I don’t know what to think. He always speaks to me but sometimes he stands really close violating my personal space, or he either stands extremely far away. He’s always asking about my love life, but when I ask about his he’s very stand-offish about it. And, the bad part about it is that he started dating his current girlfriend shortly after I caught him in secret parts of our job talking to her all the time. When I approached him on why he was doing that he started getting defensive, but he would always get mad and approach guys whenever I would speak to them, and I wasn’t even being secretive or be spiteful.
I don’t really know where this is going since we were only associating with each other years ago. It was all good when we were like best friends. I would talk to him all day on the phone until one of us went to sleep. We had everything in common. We were mutually attracted to each other and waited eight months to have sex. He said all the right things.
Then all of a sudden this chick started cramping my style. She saw how tight we were so it seems like she was try to be a clone of me in order to get him. I tried to stay in the race for his heart but I dropped out because it was getting ridiculous. It was like, if I bought him a regular slushie, she’d buy him a big gulp. I’d buy him a meal from a store, then she’d get the value meal. And, these actions started to make me mad because I thought my overall package was better than hers. So, little by little I separated myself out the equation. Since then, I bump into him all the time. He always has a smile when I’m talking to him and seems to initiate the conversation. Should I let this proceed or leave him alone? In the back of my mind though, I kind of want payback and I kind of think I can achieve it. Do you think I’m wrong? Please give me your wise insight. I need guidance. HELP! – Just Need A Lil Guidance Before I Do Something Stupid
You can read my response, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/we-dated-hes-with-a-new-woman-but-i-think-he-wants-me-back/
Monday, November 1, 2010
Check Out My Commentary With Essence - Why Every Woman Needs A Gay BFF...
Sound Off: Why Every Woman Needs a Gay BFF Monday, November 1, 2010
by Terrance Dean
Not long ago, after I made full-disclosure of my sexuality, I heard some disturbing things in the Black community about Black gay men and Black women. One was that every gay man wanted to be women. The other was that all gay men did not like women, especially those in the Black community.
I learned there is no truth to the rumors. First, not every gay man wants to be a woman. That is not a desire of ours. Now, don't get me wrong, there are transgenders and transsexuals, those who feel as if their minds do not match their bodies.
But apart from that, a large majority of gay men do not want to be women. We love being men.
Second, not all men dislike or despise women. That would be absurd, considering we are born of women, and we have sisters, aunts, grandmothers, and our lives interact with women on a daily basis. Why would we not like women? Some say it's because we want their men. Um, sweetie, if your man is sleeping with another man, then, one, he wasn't your man from the beginning, and two, he was gay all along.
Also, as gay men we do not go out of our way to "recruit" heterosexual men, nor can we make someone gay by touching, hanging around or looking at them. Any man who is comfortable in his own skin and manhood would not feel threatened by the presence of a gay man.
Beyond all of that, I celebrate my relationships with the women in my life. They are dynamic, amazing, powerful, intelligent and graceful DIVAS. Yes, they are full-fledged FAN-TAB-U-LOUS women because we lean on one another. We encourage, empower and inspire each other. And, trust me, if it weren't for me as their gay best friend, many of them would be walking around looking a hot mess, unhappy in their jobs and stuck in unfulfilling relationships with men who I knew were no good for them.
You see, every woman needs a gay best friend in her life. I mean, who else is going to give her the truth -- straight-up (no pun intended) about her relationships, life, career, frenemies and fashion?
Here are a few key facts on why every woman needs a gay best friend.
First and foremost, we are men. We know men. We know how we act, think and behave. We know what a man will do in various situations especially in dating and relationships. (Some people tend to forget that gay men are still men. No, being gay doesn't make us less manly.) If you want insight into how a man thinks and feels emotionally, and how to get to his heart and into his head, your gay best friend is the absolute best source.
Oh, I know why that man is not calling you back after your first date. I know why he is not returning your calls after you've had sex with him. And, I certainly know why after six months he hasn't invited you to meet his family or taken you to his home. Yes, honey, you will be surprised by the number of women who date men and don't know where he works, where he lives, and have never met any of his family or friends.
You can read the full article, HERE:
http://www.essence.com/entertainment/sound_off_why_every_woman_needs_a_gay_bff.php
by Terrance Dean
Not long ago, after I made full-disclosure of my sexuality, I heard some disturbing things in the Black community about Black gay men and Black women. One was that every gay man wanted to be women. The other was that all gay men did not like women, especially those in the Black community.
I learned there is no truth to the rumors. First, not every gay man wants to be a woman. That is not a desire of ours. Now, don't get me wrong, there are transgenders and transsexuals, those who feel as if their minds do not match their bodies.
But apart from that, a large majority of gay men do not want to be women. We love being men.
Second, not all men dislike or despise women. That would be absurd, considering we are born of women, and we have sisters, aunts, grandmothers, and our lives interact with women on a daily basis. Why would we not like women? Some say it's because we want their men. Um, sweetie, if your man is sleeping with another man, then, one, he wasn't your man from the beginning, and two, he was gay all along.
Also, as gay men we do not go out of our way to "recruit" heterosexual men, nor can we make someone gay by touching, hanging around or looking at them. Any man who is comfortable in his own skin and manhood would not feel threatened by the presence of a gay man.
Beyond all of that, I celebrate my relationships with the women in my life. They are dynamic, amazing, powerful, intelligent and graceful DIVAS. Yes, they are full-fledged FAN-TAB-U-LOUS women because we lean on one another. We encourage, empower and inspire each other. And, trust me, if it weren't for me as their gay best friend, many of them would be walking around looking a hot mess, unhappy in their jobs and stuck in unfulfilling relationships with men who I knew were no good for them.
You see, every woman needs a gay best friend in her life. I mean, who else is going to give her the truth -- straight-up (no pun intended) about her relationships, life, career, frenemies and fashion?
Here are a few key facts on why every woman needs a gay best friend.
First and foremost, we are men. We know men. We know how we act, think and behave. We know what a man will do in various situations especially in dating and relationships. (Some people tend to forget that gay men are still men. No, being gay doesn't make us less manly.) If you want insight into how a man thinks and feels emotionally, and how to get to his heart and into his head, your gay best friend is the absolute best source.
Oh, I know why that man is not calling you back after your first date. I know why he is not returning your calls after you've had sex with him. And, I certainly know why after six months he hasn't invited you to meet his family or taken you to his home. Yes, honey, you will be surprised by the number of women who date men and don't know where he works, where he lives, and have never met any of his family or friends.
You can read the full article, HERE:
http://www.essence.com/entertainment/sound_off_why_every_woman_needs_a_gay_bff.php
Today Is, "Straight From Your Gay Best Friend," Advice Day...
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have found it hard to get with females because they pick jerks and overlook hard-working, business-minded guys like myself. I have all the qualities that women say they want. But when we meet for the first time they say they are not ATTRACTED to me.
Sometimes you have to let that person grow on you, just like a song you hear for the first time, but you don’t really like it, but the more you hear it you begin singing and dancing to it after a while. I’m a very GOOD man and I know it. Many people have said so, but this is one area in my life that seems to be BLAH BLAH. Women are not like when grandma and auntie were years ago. These women think they are the men in the relationship and I’m too strong of a black man to allow myself to be defined as less than a man in that capacity. A man has to be a man at all times no matter how much the woman makes. That’s why a lot women are alone and still looking, like the last girl I tried to date. She said she didn’t like my height and we were the same height mind you.
Women need to tell men the straight of it all, and stop P***y-Willowing a situation. Tell it like it IS. I have a lot to offer to any woman. I’m very innovative in business and make strides in my business every day. Whatever happened to the good old days when women acted more like women and not like men? Just wanted to see what your thoughts are on this. By the way I don’t do clubs or bars. Never have been my thing since I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs. — Mr. Purple Teddy Bear
You can read my repsonse, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-a-good-man-and-i-dont-know-whats-wrong-with-women-today/
I have found it hard to get with females because they pick jerks and overlook hard-working, business-minded guys like myself. I have all the qualities that women say they want. But when we meet for the first time they say they are not ATTRACTED to me.
Sometimes you have to let that person grow on you, just like a song you hear for the first time, but you don’t really like it, but the more you hear it you begin singing and dancing to it after a while. I’m a very GOOD man and I know it. Many people have said so, but this is one area in my life that seems to be BLAH BLAH. Women are not like when grandma and auntie were years ago. These women think they are the men in the relationship and I’m too strong of a black man to allow myself to be defined as less than a man in that capacity. A man has to be a man at all times no matter how much the woman makes. That’s why a lot women are alone and still looking, like the last girl I tried to date. She said she didn’t like my height and we were the same height mind you.
Women need to tell men the straight of it all, and stop P***y-Willowing a situation. Tell it like it IS. I have a lot to offer to any woman. I’m very innovative in business and make strides in my business every day. Whatever happened to the good old days when women acted more like women and not like men? Just wanted to see what your thoughts are on this. By the way I don’t do clubs or bars. Never have been my thing since I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs. — Mr. Purple Teddy Bear
You can read my repsonse, HERE:
http://hellobeautiful.com/sex-love/terrancedean/im-a-good-man-and-i-dont-know-whats-wrong-with-women-today/
I Am A Guest Blogger Over At LIT FEST Mag This Month...
I am very excited to share that for the month of November, I will be a guest blogger sharing excerpts from my new book over at LIT FEST Magazine.
There will be a weekly giveaway as well for those who leave comments. The editor will choose the winners.
Check out this week's entry:
Be Open To Love When It Shows Up – “A Closed Heart Doesn’t Receive Joy”
By TERRANCE DEAN
Monday, November 1, 2010
Chapter Excerpt from my book:
Some women want a prince charming, or a knight in shining-armor to come and save the day. Some just want a simple man. A man who works, takes care of the home, loves his children, and is spiritually grounded. Whatever you need from a man, when you ask Spirit for him you have to be open to receiving love when it shows up.
When you ask God for your man you have to be prepared for when he shows up. There’s no use in asking for him and you’re not ready when he comes. You can’t start running around trying to fix your hair, dress, make-up, and attitude after he arrives. Be prepared for your man. Especially with an open heart and willingness to accept him when he shows up.
I’m telling you, I’ve heard lots of women complain about the good guy. You know the one. The man who is extremely nice, a gentleman, loves children, practices chivalry, and is spiritually grounded. He has a good head on his shoulders and will love you like no other. However, the catch is that he is not tall enough, or dark enough, or he may be a blue-collar worker. He may be a younger than you, maybe even older.
I swear sometimes I think women only want the bad boy, or wanna-be “thug” guy who has a criminal record, bad credit, emotional issues, or unable to maintain a job. It’s something about fixing a man up that intrigues them. Women want to feel like they were the ones responsible for helping him see the light, get back on his feet, and turn his life around. Despite the fact he got you into debt, ruined your credit, and he caused you to have several nervous breakdowns. Girl, bye!
I hear women say all the time, “There’s just something about a bad boy. The swagger in his step. The chip on his shoulder and his arrogance. He’s confident and bold. He just won’t make love to me, but will fulfill my sexual fantasies and desires.”
I mean really. Do you women really think it’s going to be lilies in the field, days at the park, and chilling at the beachfront all the time? Men like that only exists in the movies. Filmmakers and screenwriters create these characters as fantasy. But you think these characters are real and they start living in your head, as you are daydreaming about Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Boris Kodjoe, and Idris Elba sweeping you off your feet. Wake up and come back to earth.
You can read the rest of the excerpt here:
http://www.litfestmagazine.com/litfest/GUEST_BLOG_TERRANCE_DEAN/Entries/2010/11/1_BEGINS_NOVEMBER_1.html
Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – October2010; $15) In stores everywhere, and available at Amazon.com, HERE:
http://www.amazon.com/Straight-Your-Best-Friend-Relationships/dp/1932841563/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1288280174&sr=1-1
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